mourning musher

oh Lord, im trying very hard to not want to die with her. she was your gift to me and i let her down.i did not take care of her like i should and be her guardian angel. wouldnt it be nice to be like your angels, they follow your path, they never forget you, they never question you, they are not bound to hell a place i fear of everyday and yet still commit sin. a place i especially remember when im a cold shower, at the dentist or having a painful massage. oh Lord, please take musher to heaven. i believe in heaven, i believe in eternity coz you made me believe. i know i dont know where would i be in that realm, and when such a let down happened like today, the more i feel like giving up on claiming a good placement in your heaven. im mourning Lord, im questioning, im breathing still while your beloved has come to your embrace today.