Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I have been very tired lately. I dont think it's my feet that's hurting from commuting to the office. I think i've been tired because i lost a bit of joy. I then thought, is joy that momentarily elated feeling that you have as been described as bliss or happiness. But then I've dicovered and putting a patent to it, that joy is associated with a very long term view you have on your life. My view used to be a vast open space (that can be lonely at times), but free. With this carved out path that I have going for me, it has been filled with meanings and interpretations, it has been real, it has been stable - but it has undoubtedly sacrificed joy along the way. Nightingale only sings in the woods not in the palace, because there in the wild, he found his voice. I have not forgotten to write, that is what i'm paid to be doing most of the time. But very much so, i have lost the joy to write. I felt that I lost my voice, that I have nothing to say, that the joy in my heart has been traded with something else with my own consent. The deal is done. Now the question remains, can i get it back.